Evangelion at it’s heart is a series about humanity.  It explores the question of what it is to be human, why we choose to survive, and whether or not all the pain and suffering of being an individual is worth it.

The television anime starts off in an age of innocence.  Big fighting robots fighting aliens that are coming 15 years after a massive disaster that only a handful of people know the truth of.  The purpose of this being the genesis of the series was to mirror our own collective state of self awareness.  The series slowly begins to deconstruct the concepts of what it means to be human, why we want to be alive, why we are afraid, why we love, and most importantly why we need one another.

Evangelion isn’t about big fighting robots and aliens.  This should NOT be a spoiler as in the very first few episodes we see that the Evangelion has a human appearing hand, and can activate on it’s own.  The Angels are called such for a reason, and the imagery and mythos of the series is more heavenly and godlike from the get go on purpose.

So if you like big fighting robots, and series drawn out of cool action sequences Evangelion might not be for you.  Both the Evangelion TV ending, the End of Evangelion movie ending, and most likely the Rebuild ending all devolve into nearly incomprehensible meaning of humanity mindfucks.

At age 15 this series gave me a primer in Fruedian psychology before I really knew who Freud was, or what the word psychology meant.  Fifteen years later I still feel stupid when I try and grasp the ending of the series (TV and movie versions).  Over fifteen years and forcing people in my life to sit through all 26 hours Evangelion’s insanity and beauty on at least four separate occasions I am still learning what the hell it all means.  My partner is also a long time fan of the series and the two of us have sat down and watched huge chunks of the series at least three times, and we are still learning.

This series is a must watch for anyone who gives a damn about theology, evolution, philosophy, and/or psychology.  This series is a must watch for anyone who loves science fiction.  Evangelion continues to influence modern day science fiction with season four of Fringe, Iron Man, and the Avengers being recent examples.

Thoughts on the Rebuild

The Evangelion Rebuild start off as an abbreviated remake of the original series.  However, by the last third of “You Cannot Advance” the plot deviations are substantial from the original television series.  The first movie is a great abbreviation of episodes 1-7 of the original series.  For a more gorgeous version of the animation, a higher quality dub, and skipping a few really boring scenes “You Are (Not) Alone” is not a bad way to start the Evangelion series.  The second movie begins to deviate from the original plot from the very beginning.  So if this is your first go through of the series and you want to experience the original environment of Evangelion I recommend not watching the rebuild past movie one prior to viewing the original series.  It is also safe to watch movie 1 and then episodes 8-26.

For me the Rebuilds skip past a lot of essential character development, and several angels that greatly deepen the Mythos of the series.  The approach to the characters and the series mythos feels more superficial in the movies.  This was necessary as the first 11.5 hours needing to be condensed down to four to give the series ample time to finally have a proper ending.

I still recommend watching the television version of the series.  It deepens the experience of the characters and gives a lot more background and insinuation regarding the series mythos.  While some characters and events are changed between the Rebuild and original version Evangelion is clearly the same series at heart, plot changes are made simply to quicken the pace, rather than to alter the story itself.

The Beginning of Massive Spoilers and Pondering on Evangelion’s Thesis

I can easily understand why there was a need for at least 3 endings of this series.

After knowing Evangelion’s endgame episodes 1-15 of the TV series can feel like a meandering wander to the end.  However, the pace mirrors our own individual journeys.  Starting where we all begin as teenagers just beginning to realize our own autonomy, to injured adults, and then if we choose self-aware adults who know and choose their own suffering.  This is precisely why the original series will always have a  place.  With its painful minutes of still frame, the ongoing frustration with Shingi’s endless screamings of “I mustn’t run away”.  All of this is a slow descent into the madness, ending in a sense of meaning and identity.  This is something the Rebuild will never be able to truly offer of its own accord.

What the slow descent of the original series did not allow for was ample time to explore the third impact, and(depending on interpretation and version) human instrumentality.  This is why the movies, original and rebuild,  have a purpose in the telling of the thesis.

Third Impact

The third impact is an amazing concept, with so many interesting dimensions.  At it’s heart it’s man attempting to recreate itself in God’s image.  The whole series is man attempting to become God.  From removing Lilith’s soul from her body and placing her into a human, to cloning the bodies of Gods and powering them with mentally unstable teenagers.  The third impact initially is a fight between Adam’s children and Lilith’s children.  Adam‘s angels are trying to recreate earth in Adam‘s image by initiating Third Impact.  When the Angels fail, and humanity realizes it has complete control over all the components of God the series becomes a war over potential philosophies and outcomes regarding the evolution of the human race.

The third impact itself has so many potential points of genesis, and so many potential outcomes that it is a hard story to tell.  I do however like both versions told by the original series and “End of Evangelion“.  Shinji under the guidance of his mother turned Goddess deciding whether or not he (and therefore we) should join as one entity, or remain individuals.  The idea that Unit 1 starts as the parts of the God that created humanity, to gaining the entire soul of a human, to gaining the last remaining piece that it needs to become an independent entity, while being guided and protecting the offspring of its human soul is such a powerful vehicle to explore these essential questions of humanity.

The movies take a sharp turn right into the third impact before the second movie is even over.  So much of what led up to the third impact in “End of Evangelion” has gone undone, and I don’t know how it is all going to turn out in the Rebuild though I am exited that we have up to 4 hours to tell the story.  Not having Leliel (the Zebra ball) to absorb Unit 1 and go through Shinji’s and Yui‘s mental process of reawakening, as well as not having Shinji absorbed into Unit 1 along with Zeruel’s S2 engine leaves me with a lot of questions as to how the Rebuild will approach the Third Impact.

Third Impact is initiated by Unit 1 with a cloned body of Lilith merging with the soul of Lilith while in the presence of a human soul along with the body and soul of her son.  “End of Evangelion” begins Third Impact with Rei III(with Lilith’s soul) absorbing Adam’s body and soul into herself, then merging herself with the original body of Lilith.  The tree of life is channeled through Unit 1 along with Shinji and Yui, while being held by the Adam derived Evangelion production series.

Gendo Ikari’s character in the Rebuild hints to purposely speeding up the timeline to prevent Seele’s version of the Third Impact.  However, in the series Gendo planned to merge directly with Lilith’s soul, Lilith and Adam.  All this hints to a potentially new environment of the Third Impact.  However, I trust Hideaki Anno to leave Shinji Ikari in charge of the fate of humanity no matter how the Third Impact starts.

Based on previews movie 3 appears to start with Kaworu coming to earth in Unit 6 and halting the beginning of the Third Impact by impaling Unit 1′s head with the Lance of Longinus.  So it would appear the genesis of the Third Impact is a false start, and is meant to tutor the viewer into knowing what the third impact looks like so we know when it happens later on.

A Few Words for Critics of the Ending(s)

Do you have a brain?  Episodes 25 and 26 are clearly titled “The Human Instrumentality Project“  which is clearly where the series was headed, it is mentioned multiple times and it was loudly announced in the series that Kaworu is the last Angel.  If Shinji and Yui‘s experience inside Leliel’s sea of Dirac, or Shinji’s full absorption into Unit 1 while defeating Zeruel wasn’t an indicator to you as to where the series was headed, I guess I can’t help you.

The first part of “End of Evangelion” is simply what was happening outside of Shinji’s mind.  Though really it is what is happening inside of his mind that really matters, which is why we still spend a lot of time in his head throughout the “End of Evangelion”.  What I loved about Human Instrumentality was that it left so much of the outcome open to interpretation.  Once we get into “End of Evangelion” we get tied to all of the Lilith/Adam mythos, and are forced to pick a fork in the road.

In “End of Evangelion” is more about the questions the series poses, versus the outcomes of the individual characters. Hideaki Anno has stated that this was his intention for the series, and wished for viewers to interpret as they will.  I think it’s great to have a series that leaves you with more questions, than it gives answers. The endings of Evangelion mirror the stories of our own lives, each journey gives us answers, and then gives us many more questions.

Congratulations!

I want to thank EvaGeeks for their incredible, easy to use, and thorough wiki.  EvaGeeks makes a great companion for decoding this incredible series.

There is a memory that comes back to me at least once a week.  I was nineteen and inpatient at one of the most “renound” psychiatric hospitals in the country.  I was a mess, about ready to drop out of college for the second year in a row.  I had sliced my body to ribbons, was terrified of going to sleep, and spent most of my time trying to figure out the best way to die.

This was my second admission in said hospital in less than two months.  It was late in the evening, and this admission was spotted with psychology interns from the local hospital.  I was sitting at a table in the day room trying to pass the time, and not think about whether or not I was going to be able to sleep that night.  So I tried making small talk with one of these interns.  She had curly red hair, freckles, and squinty eyes.  She was at most a few years older than me.

I asked her, “So you’re studying psychology?” to which she provided a strained, “Yes”.  I proceeded to ask her some questions about her program.  She gave me as little information as she could.  Though she told me she hoped to become a therapist.  I realized the conversation wasn’t going very well, but for whatever reason I proudly blurted out, “You know I’m studying psychology too, and am going to be a therapist!”

She laughed, and said, “That’s nice.”  At the time it was crushing, one of the worst things anyone had ever said to me (honestly it is still one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me).  Even though at the time I was fucking lying about wanting to be a therapist.  I loved psychology, and wanted a doctorate in research, but deep down I knew I could be a therapist if I wanted to be.

So a few times a week driving home from work I think, “Who’s laughing now bitch?”

Several of my trauma clients have said they wanted to become helping professionals.  I support them, and nurture them.  One time a vocational specialist from another agency made a snide remark about one of them stating their goal was to become a case manager.  I don’t remember what I said, but I remember resisting my desire to slap her.  I remember my words being so forceful that she ended up back inches from the wall and looking like I had hit her with all I had.  I did hit her, with words.

Another one of my clients is likely to be starting her BA program within two years.

She is one of those women who has scared me, tested me, and taught me more than she will ever know.  She is the client ever closest trauma survivor therapist dreads.  From the moment I met her I knew she was me.  She’s even around my age.

Within several months of working with her she asked the two questions every young therapist dreads.  How old are you? And do you really understand what I am going through?

Both questions are double-edged swords. Age places me in the context of her own development, and she knows immediately I know too much and not enough.  Whether or not I really understand opens the door for her comparing herself to me.

I stumbled my way through my first version of the “Stuff” monologue that answers question number two.  “What I you want to know is if I’ve been through stuff, and if I get the whole concept of getting stuff. The answer is yes.  Though my stuff is different than your stuff because we’re all different.  I can’t get into my stuff with you, because our relationship is about your stuff.  I can’t open the door for you to compare me and my stuff, to you and yours.  What matters is if you think I have the ability to understand.”

The far less graceful version of that soliloquy was accepted gratefully.  Though I knew from that moment she knew exactly what I was.

A few months ago as I was helping her accept herself through dropping some courses we got to talking about self injury.  I started talking about the work of one of my therapy mentors (who is adamantly not a trauma survivor).  Midsentence she started jumping up and down,  “I knew you were a cutter, I know it, I can hear it in your voice.”

We had a talk then, I told her the words I was saying came from someone who had never cut before, that I knew this for fact.  I told her she had a right to her belief, though I could not confirm nor deny it.  Though it was important to know that people who for certain had not been there could still understand her.  She said, “Yeah, I know, but you used to cut.”

The other day we were talking about her career aspirations, she asked if it was an issue to have been in the hospital and work in one.  I said with a bit too much of a smile that it was definitely not a problem.

I had an extra laugh, and fuck you moment for that intern on my ride home.

As women we’re often made to feel like our periods are expected to be an inconvenience, and all women have cramps and pain.  When the pain and problems impact you’re ability to function, it’s not ok, and should never be viewed as normal.  Any healthcare professional who tells y0u otherwise, is insane and shouldn’t be allowed to practice.  At some point I need to talk more about what I went through, I think more women need to hear that it is not ok to be in that kind of pain.  Though right now I’ve got a whole lot else to say.

Nothing quite makes you stare yourself in the face and identify who you are, where you’ve been, and where you need to be like being in that sort of living hell.  Unless you’re me, who needs an additional kick in the ass.  For that I credit my partner, he is there for me in the way that so many others should have been.  Over the past few weeks he has been helping me recognize where I need to be.  My work has also played a role in honoring who I’ve been, and who I have become.

Though I’m left with the question: What of me belongs here?

Since I started this site I have held back a lot.  I have become a sanitized version of me.  I’ve written some nice articles about stuff.  I think I need to say more about me.  Perhaps if I wrote (and cared) more about my own story the past few months of this site would have passed by with more than a few blips on the radar.

It’s all kind of hilarious inside my head.  Did you know I found my voice on the internet?  Did you know the more I find my voice in the real world the more I hide and censor myself online?

It’s gotta stop.

In less than an hour there is going to be another post that starts to change all that.

I’m going to leave this crazy mess as is, to be testimony to the promise that I am going to start acting like myself, and using this space for all I wanted it to be.

Now the Macbook is completely off the market which is a blessing due to the terrible case issues.  However, now the intro computer is the Macbook air which has limited HD space due to requiring a solid state drive.

The cost of a new basic Mac laptop has been the same since I’ve been buying them.  The spec structure has also been about the same.  The 17in pro version of the machine has always had a processor, hard drive, and ram about double the speed of the 13in version.  In 2-3 years the stats of the most expensive new mac will be the stats of the basic version.

My current Macbook pro was released in 2010, it has a 2.8 dual core processor and 4gb of ram, with a 500gb hard drive.  My machine is still faster than the intro 13in Macbook pro, and is close to equal in stats as the upgraded 2.8 GHz dual core processor Macbook pro.  It’s almost like my computer was made in the future and is just now catching up to present day.

The 2008 15in Macbook pro has similar stats, sporting a 2.4ghz dual core processor, 200gb hard drive, 2gb of ram with the ability to upgrade to 4gb.  The machine can be bought used for around $600.  For $200 it can be upgraded to be just shy of my current machine, that’s $800 for a used Macbook with comparable stats to a new $1200 Macbook with a smaller screen.  The graphics card and the ram speed will be a bit slower, though likely the difference is negligible compared to the price tag.

To spell this all out, I’ll make a little chart!

Other than a loss in the ram speed, and probably a small loss in graphic processing, these machines can be made pretty much equal, with vast differences in cost. The risk is ensuring that a used mac purchased outside the Apple Kingdom is in good working order. The upgrades are not difficult to do with a touch of hardware savvy, and aren’t necessary right away.

The USB, Airport, and DVD specs have remained virtually the same since 2007.  There have been advances and upgrades in Firewire technology, though I have yet to make use of my mini super Firewire port, and instead have needed to spend $80 on a converter cable.  Since 2006 Mac OS and processors have been intel based with no signs of a major shift occurring anytime soon.

Most legitimate sellers of used Macs provide a 30 day dead on arrival policy.  That’s enough time to inspect the machine, check the display, battery life, and initial health of the battery and other components.  With a bit of research, and some online tutorials on replacing internal components it is possible to get a used machine with virtually the same stats for about half the price of a new Macbook.

References and Links:

• Apple Store Macbook Pro
• Mid 2010 17in Macbook Pro 2.8Ghz specs
• 2008 15in Macbook Pro 2.4Ghz specs
• Tutorial on Replacing Ram in late 2008 Macbook Pro
• Tutorial on Replacing Hard drive on early 2008 Macbook Pro

We have two terribly mischievous cats.  When they aren’t destroying antique furniture, sleeping on our clothes, or chillin’ in the bath tub they are good little hunters.

I used to know when I had a mouse because Toxico would just be staring at the radiator in my old apartment.  My friends would come over and wonder what was wrong with my cat, and I just knew she was onto something.

So when her and Harlequin developed an obsession with our stove, we knew something was up.

As vegans this is a tough one.  We can’t stop the cats.  Once Mike was actually able to save the mouse from becoming Harlequin’s new cat toy.  Though usually we’re late to the party.  Once I came home and Harlequin and is new friend were inseparable.  I chased him all around the house with his new buddy in his teeth.

We are lucky that at least they don’t seem to recognize that the mice are edible, and they always leave them out for us, dead but not mutilated.

So with our stove mouse we knew it was just a matter of time, one day we would find the little bugger laid out on the kitchen tile, with a confused cat nearby wondering why the toy stopped being so much fun.

A few Sundays ago the cats were at full attention in the kitchen, and I was cleaning up the living room.  I had been looking through my vegan cookbooks for new inspiration, after finally taking the time to tackle some of the Post Punk Vegan recipes.

Harlequin in particular loves to use books and shoes as scratching posts, usually when his nuts kick in the testosterone and he gets that sudden whoosh of confidence.

So I was pissed off to find “Eat, Drink, and Be Vegan” all scratched and bent up, claw marks through the cover page and all sorts of screwed up.  The book wouldn’t shut right it was so mangled, so I go to smooth the pages out -

“It’s in the book!” I scream throwing the book across the room.

“It’s in the book! It’s in the book!” I keep screaming, louder now, and then that wave of shock hits me and it was more like, “AHHHHEHHHINWAHHHBOOO”.

At this point Mike had pretty much figured it out, but still had to ask me, “What’s in the book?”

“AHHHHH THE MOUSE EWWWW AHHH”.

Marking some vegan delicacy that nether of us bothered to check was a squished up mousey.

We figure that Harlequin caught it, played with it, and then wandered off.  The mouse limped off and decided the vegan cookbook was a good hiding place.  Then Harlequin realized where is new friend was.

It was quite the evening.

Harlequin is also a creepy cat, he has been coming up and cuddling me the entire time I’ve been writing this, it’s like he knows.

On the plus side I’ve gotten way back into kink, enough so that I’m planning to restart the kink blog.  So there has been a lot of mental sorting as to how all this is going to work, since I don’t want this blog to go away, and I’m not planning on spending every spare moment typing blog posts.

How it’s likely going to pan out is that some posts will be cross posted here.  This blog is probably going to mostly become a web geek blog, as people have really been enjoying my posts on css, php, and html.  I also really enjoy writing about that stuff.

There’s probably going to be a bit more radio silence here as I get the other site up and running.  Though likely as I go through re-designing that page I’ll have some new tutorials to post.

Thanks to everyone who has continued to check in, and I’ll be back and posting actual content at some point in the not too distant future.

The next solution was transparent pngs to get the look of a transparent background color.

However, I recently discovered rgba redering both solutions unnecessary when it comes to using alpha opacity on colors. Setting rgba is easy:

.transparent-red-bg {
background-color: rgba(255,0,0,0.5);
}

The first three numbers are the rbg code for the color, and the last number is 0-1 setting of the alpha opacity.

rbga can be applied to backgrounds

<span style=”padding:20px;color:#FFFFFF;background-color:rgba(255,0,0,0.5);”>rbga can be applied to backgrounds</span>

It can be applied to colors

<h4 style=”color:rgba(0,255,255,0.5) !important;”>It can be applied to colors</h4>

form elements

<textarea style=”background-color: rgba(255,0,0,0.25)”>form elements</textarea>

and borders!

<span style=”border: solid 10px rgba(0,255,255,0.25);”>and borders!</span>

Any place in css where color can be defined rgba can be used to code the color. If you’re like me and in love with hexadecimal, there are a bunch of handy converters.

One of the initial comments when occupy stated to happen was these were the kids who did everything they thought they were supposed to do and couldn’t get jobs.  Truth be told they are probably a large number of the people at the camps, because they have the time to put all their focus on their struggle.

However, sorry kids but you went to school in a time where certain majors, and career paths were being pushed for a reason.  Really, like any other time in the history of higher education.  You didn’t listen.

I actually read a Boomerang blogpost, paraphrased and edited slightly to not identify the author:

I live with my parents, and I’m in my mid-twenties, I know I’m not to the point of me being pathetic for living with my parents, I also feel that being here is my biggest safety net and allows me to act like a child in some ways, which leads to not stepping it up and pushing forward with more in my life.  While staying here does allow me many opportunities, buying what I want with money that would otherwise be needed for rent, I also feel like it limits me in other ways that I can no longer afford.

Only a few years younger than me, and completely naive.  When I was her age I was squawking at getting occasional handouts from mom and dad.  I was actually completely on my own struggling with a new job, a divorce, and all the emotional fallout that kind of stress brings.  On top of figuring out how to make rent, pay the evil and way overpriced utilities, and continue to eat.

That struggle is a rite of passage, and it is vital to survival.  Scraping it together then, allows me to do it now when the economy is far worse.

I have other friends who are doing what I’m doing, and what we are is the key to this country’s fucking survival.  No one is going to hand us an answer, and it’s going to be a long hard road.  I am the 99% that the conservatives can’t bitch about, and I’ve got a laundry list of complaints.  I did it the right way, and am still having a hard time.

I get the job issue, our country imports just about everything, including it’s own products, services and inventions.  The old idea of what an American job is, is completely dead.  Though like so many other pieces of the economic collapse the writing was on the wall for years.  I paid attention.  I worked hard in school to find something I loved, and that would consistently bring in an income.  I gave up dreams of getting rich, or becoming a full-time bohemian with a slick MFA.

While I have all sorts of complaints about American economic policy, corporations actually lead my atheist self to believe that the devil exists, and that we’re doing it all wrong I also believe:

People need to stop be so fucking complacent and ignorant!

Especially those of us who have some degree of control and opportunity in our lives.  Those of us who went to nice public schools with new books and teachers who were invested.  Those of us who had the means, and often the expectation, to go to college.  We were all handed the keys and instead of using them to open new doors, we borrowed money and time until we were all in the shitter.

People want a better world, where they have more of a say in what happens with policy.  They want more equality, more choice, and better opportunities.

To get these things we need to be more invested in our own lives and futures.

People have developed this sense of entitlement that isn’t getting us anywhere.  People still dream the American dream refusing to recognize that it is a lie.  The only way forward is for all of us to pick up the pieces and rebuild our own lives and this country.  Politicians certainly aren’t going to to it, and we sure as hell aren’t strong and invested enough yet to replace them.

Outside of the political reasons for using Firefox, I prefer it over Webkit browsers (Chrome/Safari) due to the expansive list of plug-ins, and overall functionality that Firefox has. I’ve can stumble, read Rss feeds, post to Twitter and Tumbler, shorten urls with Bit.ly, block cookies, set up proxies on the fly, and go completely IP kamikaze with Tor in a click of a button.

The fluidity and functionality of Firefox relates to the mission statement of the project, a browser for the people by the people.

A Bit of History

There was a frightening time when the web had only one widely used, and well-functioning browser. Back in 2002-03 there was really only Internet Explorer. Netscape was the only viable competition, and there were a lot of problems. Netscape, even though open source since 1998, was first its own for profit, and then was owned by America Online. Netscape could not keep up with the changes in browsing and collapsed in 2002.

Mozilla, the open source of Netscape, was given one hell of a severance package from AOL, the Mozilla developers received 2 million dollars to charter a new non-profit, now known as the Mozilla Foundation. Unlike Netscape, and later AOL in which the developers served the interests of their parent organizations, the Mozilla Foundation pledged to serve the interests of the public.

Open Source & Company Interest

Firefox embraces the whole spirit of the open source movement. The code is created by anyone who has the desire and ability to contribute, and there is no corporate motive other than to provide the best browser possible.

This is the key difference between Mozilla and browsers like Chrome, and Safari. While they are also open source projects they are intricately connected to larger for profit companies. Both rely on a budget and interest in the projects from Google and Apple, companies that produce a wide range of products with a varying level of interest and potential profit.

In Closing:

Years from now I believe that Firefox (so long as people continue to use it) will continue to make an innovative product, with no deviation from its current mission statement. As Mozilla was created for the sole purpose of doing what it is doing now.

With Safari and Chrome I worry about stagnation over time, and them going the way of Netscape. As there are so many competing interests within their parent companies and a constantly evolving set of motives and goals for the browsers. Microsoft being closed source, and completely private is already being crushed under its own weight and proprietary coding, and is barely worth mentioning.

Firefox is more than just a browser, it is an important idea that survives only through us continuing to use it, donate, and support the project. Mozilla has set forth a bold approach for application development where the primary goal is satisfying the user.

Related Links:

• Mozilla Mission Statement
• History of Mozilla
• History of Firefox (Wikipedia)
• Webkit (Wikipedia)
• Google Chrome Mission Statement
• Why Use Open Source Software

Get Firfox!